My sister is gone...

My big sister is gone... I don't remember if I posted it earlier but her husband got a new job in Calgary and she was able to transfer her job there so they are moving. We went to the Spray Park today one last time with her kids, her neighbors kids (who are super sweet and always tag along) and Marrah and it was fun but I knew that it was the last time and eventually they would have to leave so it was bittersweet. We hugged one last time before she left and said our "I love you's" and then, I got in the car and bawled as she drove away.

I know Calgary is only 3 hours away but it seems like 1000 miles. She has been living in the same city as me since I was 11 so 20 years now.... I've had her within a short drives distance for 20 years and only a local call away. When we found out about Kaelen, she arrived only a minute or two behind us at the hospital (breaking many speed limits on the way I'm sure) and she was there with me the whole day holding my hand and helping me through the delivery. My sister-in-law and her set up the funeral and made sure everything was paid for by our families so we had nothing to worry about.

It just hurts so much because she's the last close "blood" relative (besides Marrah and this baby inside of me) that's in the city. She's 7 years older than me and has been like a second mom to me, more than just a big sister. She lived with my Dad until I was 11 when she moved to the city to go to university and I remember every time I had to leave my Dad's I would cry because I didn't want to leave her. She even gave me her prized sticker book once just to cheer me up when I had to leave. I usually slept on a cot in her room when I was at my Dad's because there were 5 rooms and 6 kids and I was only there on weekends so she was with me all the time.

When she had her son Dalen in 1997, I was one of the first people to meet him and I got to see his first bath. I babysat him all the time for years and years (even though he ran screaming when I came to see him till he was about 2 - I was the evil aunt who hid his parents whenever I came over... lol) and brought him to the hospital to meet his little sister when she born in 2004. They have been such an integral part of my life that it's just hard to let go. To not worry about them in their new home and new schools so far away. I know they'll be fine but I'll still worry. I'm going to miss just coming over at a moment's notice and visiting and bringing them treats. I'm going to miss going to their birthday parties and seeing them all the time as they grow. I'm going to miss getting to teach them to drive like their mommy did for me when I was 15 and my parents were too afraid to let me drive their car. I'm going to miss going to their school concerts and festivals. I'm just going to miss everything about them being so close to me.

I know I have my husband and in-laws in the city and they are all great, couldn't ask for better but nothing is the same as your big sister - they just can't compare. When people used to ask me who I looked up to and wanted to be, it was her and even though I'm my own person now, I still look up to her and probably always will. I know I can drive down there and see her but it's just not the same as her always being there. I love you big sis... more than words can say...

Little man, please watch over your Aunty, Uncle and cousins on their big move. Make sure there are lots of friends for your cousins in their new home. I wish you were here with me to snuggle and make me feel better when your Aunty is moving so far away. Marrah will just have to give me extra hugs for you like she always has. Love you baby boy. Hugz and kisses.

Love,