If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together, there is something you must always remember.
You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think;
but the most important thing is, even if we're apart,
I will always be with you.
~ Winnie the Pooh

Monday, September 13, 2010

Officially Neurotic...

Well, yep, here it is... I'm officially in the Neurotic phase of any BLM pregnancy. I have started crocheting more and more since losing my Kaelen and started making a blanket for the new baby that is waaay too intricate for me to get done in any timely manner. I found another pattern I liked in super chunky yarn (the thickest you can buy, I think) so it will work up faster and at least, I'll have that one to use if I don't get the "super intricate blanket" done.

So here's the neurotic part... I have a cold right now... and it ran through my head on the way home today that I should wait to start it because my cold germs might get on the blanket and then my baby would get sick from me allowing him to use it... yep... my baby who will be born 4 months from now, long after the cold germs would have died and after I will have most likely washed it anyways, might get my cold... So yeah, I'm a little neurotic... lol.

I wanted to share this as well from Janis at "Ferdinand's Gifts" (http://ferdinandsgifts.wordpress.com). I just read it today and it soooo spoke to me because I love wearing my babies and bought a new wrap specifically for Kaelen - it will always be his legacy wrap and stay with me, even if he never got to ride in it. I do mourn the loss of being able to carry him and feel and hear his breath on my skin. I mourn the loss of the way his little face would have looked content and snuggled in Mommy's wrap all warm and cozy. So this just had to be shared:

I wish to carry you, just like this. On my back, skin to skin, so tight no breeze will whisper through. I will gladly take you on my back, and walk, and walk, and walk — through meadows, and snow, and fallen leaves, through oceans.I will hum you songs, you will play with my hair, and drool, and nod into sweet slumber, knowing you are safe, I would not let go.

If only I could carry you like this.Your heartbeat thumping on my back.

I yearn to.

But in my heart is where I can carry you.

Where no one sees.

But it will be forever.

1 comment:

Lori said...

xoxoxoxoxo

As for the neurotic, you're not alone, and to quote my doctor, you don't sound nearly as neurotic as you could be considered....