Sometimes you feel like a dream...

Some days it feels like you were a dream... One that I had over and over again night after night for 9 months and then one morning I woke up and it was gone. I see other people with their November babies and it's strange to know that you weren't a figment of my imagination, that you were really here just like those babies were here growing inside their mommy's at one time. I KNOW you were here but it seems like for everyone else, you were only in my mind... my little imaginary baby that I grew for 9 months and then, was suddenly forced to let go.

Your birthday is coming up and I try so hard to imagine what you would have looked like at a year old but I just can't see anything but your beautiful newborn face in my mind. I wonder if you would have looked so much like your big sister, just like Baby Ben and Baby Cullen do, even though they looked so different at birth... I wish you would have lived for even one day... so more than just me would have known you alive. Everyone else knew of you but really, you were all mine for those 9 months and even though I would never have wanted to share you, my sweet precious little boy, I would have liked to at least have had the opportunity.

Night night, little man. Hugz and kisses and all my love to you on Angel's wings tonight and always.

Love,