Too many babies...

Facebook is depressing me a little right now... I love interacting with all my friends on there usually but right now, when every single person I know seems to be having their second child (and they all seem to be boys this year), I just can't take it... Almost everyday I see another person with their healthy living baby announcements and it just hurts... I'm happy they're healthy but it just brings Kaelen back to my mind and begs me to ask "Why me??"

I don't think I'll ever understand why were "chosen" to lose our baby. I've always believed that things happen for a reason but really, there is no reason good enough for me to justify losing my little boy, no reason at all... I want something to justify all this pain and suffering we have been through and are still going through... but I don't think I'll ever find it.

On a positive note, I think my baby boy sent me a sign of sorts... I was driving home from an Angel Whispers meeting (our local baby loss group) on Sunday and was feeling kinda sad and decided I wanted to listen to Kaelen's playlist on my iPhone. It has voice control so I decided to use that as I have in the past and said "play Kaelen's playlist" - it heard "play upbeat" so my upbeat playlist came on... I tried again, it picked some other song on my iphone that was cheerful and happy, tried it again, same thing... so I gave up and realized that my little man didn't want me to be sad listening to his songs on the way home and settled in for some upbeat tunes... Maybe it was just a fluke of my phone but that's ok... I think it was him and it made me happy for a bit...

I love you baby boy... Everyday I see you and wish you were here with us... Someday we will see you again I know but it's hard to wait for you. I love you.

Love,