I even went so far as creating a new blog for it... Kaelen's Rainbow... but if I share that with family members, I don't want to post all my deep dark inner secrets over there either... Here is where I feel comfortable sharing all my thoughts and fears... but I don't want to turn what is supposed to be a beautiful thing into a scary dark place... I just don't know what to do... I guess I don't want to be alone with my fears over there either but I really don't want to take up all this space with baby this and baby that either...
Why can't being pregnant just be easy again? When you didn't have anything but a beautiful ending with a crying baby keeping you up all night to worry about?
I miss you baby boy and wish I could just have this one blog about you growing up and being such a handsome little man... I'm sure you are that way in heaven but I'll just have to wait to see.
Love You,
4 comments:
Technically, my baby loss blog (Gracie's blog) is open to the public. Anyone can wander in if they can find it, but I do not publicize it with real life family and friends, and for the most part it has remained private. Because of that, I feel open in posting my true feelings there.
When I got pregnant with Beana, I didn't want to post all of my rainbow stuff on Gracie's blogs for reasons similar to your own. I started a separate blog - http://arainbowonthehorizon.blogspot.com
That did not solve the issue of how to keep friends and family updated. Sure, I could have shared the rainbow blog with them, but it is directly connected to Gracie's blog through my blogger profile. I thought about eliminating those links, but then they are eliminated for all the other BLMs who might wander in.
So, I went one step further. I created a second blogger account and then created a separate rainbow baby blog for our real life friends and family. It is pretty watered down and usually contains information about our OB appointments, etc. My husband calls me neurotic, but I rest a little easier knowing that my real life friends and family are not nosing around where I don't want them.....
Hope this helps...
I wondered the same thing. But here is how I saw it.
My blog started because we were pregnant with Nolan, it was going to be my family blog after he was born. So, sure it turned into a blog of all my feelings and grieving and I was pretty much an open book.
When we got pregnant again, I worried about the BLM's also. I know how it feels but I also know how happy I was every time a new BLM got a BFP.
So I felt if I left Nolan's blog and went to another blog, I felt like I was leaving Nolan out. Because in the end, that new blog would most likely turn into a "family blog" so in the end, I would feel like I wasn't including Nolan's story which is SO much part of "our family"
So for me, I wanted to keep it all together. Everyone IRL already reads THIS blog and I have opened up already enough, I just keep going.
I dont think you will be baby this and baby that, new pregnancies seem to be so much different. We all are not gawking over nurseries and bedding from day one, we are worrying and praying. It's just different.
I will still share my grief, pregnancy milestones and hopes for the future.
Do what is right for you. Every blog is different and have different types of readers (familys, IRL friends, ect ect) so a lot of the time I thin people blog off that.
((I had a TTC pregnancy blog that I kept private for the first part of this year, I didnt want to share THAT all with friends and family) but it was stuff that I wanted to write and get out,
I'll follow you anywhere and support anyway you go.
Lots of Love!
Im sure I make no sense.. Im TIRED!
The blog does tend to grow with the person.
As a BLM of three years with no pregnancy and no hope of one to come; it is hard to read about "baby this and baby that." But, rarely does that happen with a mom whose lost a child already. I feel quite happy that others are having success in having a living child, and I know for a BLM that it's not easy, because I pay attention to what the moms say. There's plenty of fear and joy. So, I think you should write what you need to write to write---the happy silly stuff and the concerns when they arise.
Your love for your children need not be shielded from us. Love is after all why we grieve. It's all about you. If you need the blog to be separate, then do what you need to do. But, I think that you'll write with sensitivity as you have already done; anything sincere is received as such. Peace.
I like what Ashley said--and am similar in fashion. I started my blog over 2 years ago as we were adopting! It was just the days of that whole process...and as that process denigrated, I blogged about that...and then when I finally got pregnant--well, it turned into our family's story. I turn the blog into a book at the end of each year and want whatever children I am able to parent on this earth to know their mother, long after I may be gone.
So...it IS hard (I just blogged about this sort of today!) but I keep the perspective of maintaining it for my child or children. I pray that other moms who may read it are not hurt, and hope that they don't read things that upset them.
It just isn't easy, is it?
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