5 months...

Well little man, 5 months have passed since you were in my arms and a part of me. 5 months that seem like forever and a day... 5 months that passed like lightning taking me further away from you... Everyday I think of you and wish you were here with me in my arms... everyday I wonder what you would have been like and what you would be doing now if you were here on Earth...

I wonder what your eyes would have looked like staring up at your mommy and wonder if you would have had blue eyes like me, brown eyes like your daddy or hazel eyes like your big sister and grandpa... I'll never know... and can only speculate... If only I could turn back time and bring you back to me... if only I could make you live again in my arms for just one moment...

Some day... some day we'll be together again... but that day is so far off little one... too far away for mommy right now... when she wants you in her arms so badly... Oh Kaelen, you weren't meant to leave me so early... you were meant to be here snuggled in my arms... now all I have to snuggle is your blanket and it's just not enough... it will never be enough baby... never ever... I want you here in my arms and I can never have that and so there will always be this emptiness in my heart because you aren't here to hold.

Please be with me little one... I need to feel you here so I don't feel so lonely in this world without you. Watch over your big sister too... God knows I need her so badly now... I love you so so much and will never stop missing you and wanting to hold you. Sending you hugz and kisses on angel's wings, little man...

Love,