I am just so mad right now... I want my baby back... Every single person I know seems to be pregnant or has just had a baby and it's just not fair. I want my Kaelen back to snuggle and hold and love... I was supposed to be one of those moms tired from their toddler and their new baby keeping them up all night. I was supposed to be carrying them both around to a million stores this Christmas to get all my Christmas shopping done. I was supposed to be taking him out for playdates and everyone saying how cute and sweet he was. AND NOW I DON'T HAVE HIM AND LIFE IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EMPTY...
Why does everyone else deserve a baby and I don't??? I struggled with unexplained infertility for 5 years and then all of a sudden, poof, Marrah arrived and I thought I was so blessed to have her. We started trying for #2 and Kaelen came along so easily and we were so happy and now he's been taken away and I just don't understand! I don't wish this pain on anyone else but why couldn't it have been someone else and not me... None of this makes any sense and I wish I could just wake up from this nightmare... I don't know how I'll ever make it through another pregnancy without being terrified that it will happen again... terrified that I'll never have another baby to hold in my arms. So many women have babies that don't even want them so why did I lose my baby when I loved him with all my heart???? I don't want to wait another 9 months or more for my baby... I want him now!!!
I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS! I HATE THIS!!
2 comments:
Not a day goes by that I don't still think about how unfair this is, and I still wonder 'Why me?' We did not struggle with infertility, but we have waited for so long for the day that we would welcome our first child and officially start our own family. I was so looking forward to everything about having Gracie here with us - even the 'undesirable and inconvenient' parts of having a newborn. To have it yanked away without warning was the equivalent of having my heart ripped out and run over repeatedly. I hope that Christmas was as peaceful as it could be for you and your family. Thinking of you.... hugs....
((((hugs))))
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